#5 Nuts
What man doesn’t love his nuts? There full of protein and they taste great! What kind of man would want nuts for Christmas? Obviously one who could take a joke. Personally when nut shopping I would recommend the small nuts. Small nuts are always less intimidating to men. Of course if you’re man has bigger taste you can try buying him some chestnuts. Personally I’m a fan of pistachios.
Keep in mind that a gift like this might get you a one way ticket on a bus. I know if my girlfriend gave me nuts for Christmas she would come home the next day with her stuff sitting on the front porch. You remember all that stuff you were told about it’s the thought that counts? Forget about it. Get your man some nuts for Christmas and see exactly how he reacts. If his face turns red it’s only the excitement.
#4 Unflushable Turd
Be honest, how many times has your man invited you into the bathroom to check out his latest monstrosity. For some reasons men have a fascination with these kinds of things. In fact, I still remember to this day the largest turd that I’ve seen. It was approximately 12 inches in length and 2 inches wide. It was in our dormitory and everyone was just fascinated by this thing. Unfortunately it wouldn’t flush which made it a pain. Which is exactly why I volunteered my friend to clean it up.
With this gift you’ll give your man the greatest gift of all; laughter. The unflushable turd is a novelty item. Which mean’s you won’t have to worry about the real thing showing up in a delivery truck. We just thought it was a funny gift idea that people could appreciate. You could find these items in novelty gift stores like Spencer’s. I found this one online on the Spencer official website.
#3 Lovin Lamb Doll
Woooooooweeeeeeeeee! Why not let your man wrestle up a lamb this holiday season. The lovin lamb doll is a blow up doll that all the cowboys will go crazy over. Anytime your man’s in the mood to roll in the hay the lovin lamb doll will be your barnyard babe! She’ll be singing ei-ei-ei-oh until the cows come home! The lovin lamb doll always satisfies and darn tootin if she aint the life of a hootenanny!
If you live in a trailer park, mobile home, or somewhere in the south then chances are your man will love the lovin lamb doll. As you can tell by the picture the lovin lamb doll is almost just asking for it. The lovin lamb doll is available on a few online communities. If you’re interested in checking out this lovin lamb then just do a simple search.
#2 Whoopee Cushion
Want to know what goes great with turds? Farts. Farts are another weird fascination that men have. With a whoopee cushion you’ll be able to give your man the gift of farts for the rest of his life. One of the first thing boys learn as children are how they can make fart sounds with their armpits. This simple curiosity as children blossoms as adults.
The best part about whoopee cushions is that the joke is never on us. I remember this one time I was in a classroom. Thinking I was going to let out a small poof I let her rip. Unfortunately that fart was an earthquake. Being humiliated I just kept quiet hoping that nobody would find out. Unfortunately they did and I was embarrassed. Which is why we wanted to recommend this gift. This time the joke won’t be on you.
#1 Beer
After about two months of being sober a man decides that after work he would buy some beer. Upon returning home his wife notices the case of beer and confronts him about it. Immediately she starts complaining. She tells him “I thought you weren’t going to buy beer anymore?” Thinking it was unfair that he couldn’t buy beer he replies with “Well, how come I can’t buy beer, when you can buy all that makeup?” She tells him “That makeup is to make myself look pretty for you!” To which he replies “Well that’s what the beer is for.”
You have no idea the great lengths that men will go for their beer. Instead of buying your man some socks this holiday season try getting him a case of his favorite brands finest ale. While all the other guys might be getting boring gifts like ladles and dish sets. We’ll all know who’s the best gift giver when you show up with a pack of Corona.
Bonus: Large Chrome Tow Nutz
Let’s face it. There’s nothing manlier than a two ton pick up truck with nutz the size of bowling balls. While you probably won’t be able find them that big you can always get the next size down: Apples. This funny gift for men is guaranteed to give your man a laugh. In my own personal opinion I’ve always thought these were funny. I saw one on a guys truck before and I thought to myself who’s that cool guy in that sweet ride?
These products typically come in bronze, steel, and chrome. Your choice of finish is entirely up to you. We found this product on a novelty gift item website. We just thought it was funny enough to recommend as our bonus!
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